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The Spur

Most students raised in education cannot survive the wild

Cole Miska, A&E Editor
April 20, 2017
Filed under Commentary, Satire

A shocking new study reveals that most humans, when taken from the wild at a young age and raised in an indoor, simulated, educational environment, do not stand a chance when released to live on their own in the wild. Bardford Stout, a professor at Façade University in Brussels, was the head resea...

Clones created to relieve RA shortage

Clones created to relieve RA shortage

Grant Kleiman and Fernando Tabares
March 30, 2017
Filed under Satire, Top Stories

On Feb. 24, the Spur reported that there were new resident assistants hired to relieve the shortage of current RAs as soon as possible. Unfortunately, not enough new RAs were hired to fill all of the available positions. In response, the SMSU administration has called upon several biology professors to...

Trump’s credible sources

Caleb Herrlich, Staff Writer
March 30, 2017
Filed under Commentary, Satire

On March 23, The Atlantic published an article worrying about the message that President Trump is sending the U.S. When the president says it, that means it’s true. Well, wait, President Trump doesn’t just say things. He has always followed his comments with a plethora of support. Sometimes, it seems...

SMSU’s nudist dorm update

Kaleigh Farrelly, Staff Writer
March 30, 2017
Filed under Satire, Variety

During March 2016, The Spur ran an article about the new Living and Learning Community (LLC): the nudist dorm in Kamasutra. The response to having a nudist dorm on campus was so great that leaders within SMSU came together and pitched an idea to the Senate of Students: Why not make the entire SMSU ca...

Straight marriage finally legalized

Andrew Bradley, Staff Writer
March 30, 2017
Filed under Commentary, Satire

On April 1, marriage between a man and a woman will become legal nationwide. The people have spoken and Capitol Hill has responded. Many people across the country have expressed their views. One woman said, “I finally feel as if I can be myself and I can marry the man of my dreams.” Another man, ...

Vandal terrorizes student body

Martin Olsen, Staff Writer
March 30, 2017
Filed under Satire

Last Tuesday, a vandal sabotaged a vital part of SMSU’s infrastructure.  This individual or individuals rewired all light switches across the campus to turn on when in the “off” position and to turn off when in the “on” position. It is unknown how many individuals were involved, nor is the am...

Death at Macbeth Production

Death at Macbeth Production

Ben Ryan, Staff Writer
March 30, 2017
Filed under A&E, Satire, Top Stories

Four actors were slain this past weekend during the school’s production of Macbeth. The incident reportedly occurred because the fake plastic swords were “mistakenly” swapped out for real, very sharp swords. Limbs were severed, stomachs were disemboweled, and heads rolled. The play continued as ...

Quidditch debuts at SMSU

Kaleigh Farrelly, Staff Writer
March 30, 2017
Filed under Satire, Sports

Fans of J.K. Rowling’s “Harry Potter” series will rejoice at this piece of news: Southwest Minnesota State University now has its very own Quidditch team. Sophomore Desiree Bauer is the team’s captain. “It was a process to get this team on campus, but I really felt like we needed this spo...

Brussels Sprout: Minnesota State celebrates even more confusion with new login changes

Cole Miska, A&E Editor
March 16, 2017
Filed under Commentary, Satire

Minnesota State’s (formerly MnSCU) Vice Chancellor and Chief Information Officer of IT services Ramon Padilla Jr., and Associate Vice Chancellor of Infrastructure & Operations Ross Berndt could not hold back their excitement on Mar. 2 as they sent out an email informing the Minnesota State school ...

Brussels Sprout: Redrum Murder – FAKE NEWS!

Cole Miska, A&E Editor
February 24, 2017
Filed under Commentary, Satire

Hello, my name is Jason Redrum. Yes, THAT Jason Redrum that was just arrested for murdering my annoying coworker, Bob Crumb, in cold blood. In my defense, the dude kept posting that trash bird meme to my Facebook wall. Don’t act like you wouldn’t have done the same. Anyway, everyone is saying I should rot...

Satire: Love advice

February 9, 2017
Filed under Commentary, Satire

Nobody wants to spend Valentine’s Day alone. It’s a hard time for the single men and women of the world. Sometimes people need advice on how to approach someone. That’s why I’m here. The first step in a successful romance is to know where and how long to look. The searching phase can seem da...

Brussels Sprout – Trump’s first executive order: Bring back the Spice Girls

Brussels Sprout – Trump’s first executive order: Bring back the Spice Girls

Cole Miska, A&E Editor
January 26, 2017
Filed under Commentary, Satire

In a move that surprised citizens and political analysts alike, newly inaugurated President Donald Trump, immediately upon arriving at the White House, began penning legislation to force the 90’s pop group, the Spice Girls, to reunite. “We are going to drain the musical swamp, get rid of all the loser...

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