2008 Woodie Awards
He said/she said: Daddy's credit card vs. three jobs, the debate continues
Lindsey Nelsen and John Rickgarn
Issue date: 11/16/05 Section: Features
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Close the faucet, let it trickle or on full blast?
He said: While college is a time to spread your wings and start becoming independent, I don't believe that means the faucet should be turned off completely. I personally have a big problem with parents who tell their kids "You're going to college but you're going to pay for it." If they want their kids to go to college, they should find a way to help in some matter, whether it's allowing them to live at home and commute to college or co-sign on loans for lower interest rates. If students are expected to be completely on their own, they are either going to be over-worked and exhausted or drown in debt taking out college loans.
She said: I also believe the faucet should not be turned off when a student goes to college. But what bothers me the most is when a students parents pay for everything. Tuition, books, car, day-to-day items, clothes-I know kids who get all of this, plus get spoiled rotten in other ways. I think parents should help with some of it at any given time, but not everything. How does a kid learn responsibility if they are handed everything? Even if you gave them the money over the years that they have saved, at least they learn to budget the money they have saved, rather than have everything they want.
What should and shouldn't parents pay for?
He said: This I think should be worked out between individual families. Some parents honestly can't pay for as much as others can. I think the best route to go is give a sort of "allowance" that they can do with what that want and also learn how to budget. If they use it wisely for food, gas and other necessities that's great. If they waste it on booze every Thursday at the Gambler and don't have enough left to eat, that's their problem.
She said: I agree about individual families working this out on their own. I think it is most helpful if parents do things like buy groceries and give $20 for gas money. Of course there is health and car insurance, which is easier with help from the parents, but I think rent and eating out are things a student should use their own money for. If you do drink, that also should come out of your own money. Things like shampoo and other toiletries and clothes are case-dependent. If a student is reasonable, I think the parents can help some. If every pair of pants needs to be $50, students should cover that themselves. I have not had my mom help me pay for any expensive clothes since I was in junior high.
If a student gets into financial trouble out of their own stupidity, should parents help?
He said: If it's an extreme case that the student had no control over, then I think parents should lend a hand. However, part of leaving the nest is learning how to NOT be reliant on your parents. Budgeting, saving and other money management skills need to be learned sometime and the sooner the better. If you think that your parents are always going to be there for you, you'll never learn anything.
She said: I agree! I realize we all make mistakes, but you don't learn anything when someone takes cares of it for you. It's common sense-if you need money, get a job, or borrow from your parents. Don't take money from them, but you can certainly have them loan it to you. Just remember that if it is a substantial amount of money, you should pay it back.
Close the faucet, let it trickle, or turn it on full blast!
While deciding who pays for what should be left up to the individual families, everyone should start becoming somewhat independent. No doubt, it'll be a big change from the days your parents provided for you and paid for everything. But in the long run, you'll come out ahead and become fully independent.