Magic Mike Turned me Gay

Chuche Lee, Special to the Spur

How dare they! How dare they dare to objectify men!

When I heard about the showing of Magic Mike, I gathered myself and my fellow male colleagues and we marched down to the showing with our rusty pitchforks and flaming torches ready to attack.

Magic Mike is offensive to men everywhere and we were determined to put an end to it. I will not stand for the objectification of men, we are not sexual objects, and you women are pigs! And now for the real article…

At roughly 8:30 p.m., during the first showing, a brutal flock of women, and a few stray men, could be seen barraging the doors of the lower level conference center. After a few moments of mass miscommunications, the doors were finally pried apart and the sinful crowd flooded in. I dashed for the mountains of comfy beanbags while many others settled with the stiff, squeaky chairs.

The pelvis-thrusting and booty-popping world of male strippers takes place in a dark and steamy dance club called Xquisite. The casts consists of Channing Tatum (Magic Mike), Alex Pettyfer (Adam/The Kid), Matthew McConaughey (Dallas), Matt Bomer (Ken), and many more.

The movie circles Mike Lane, a thirty-year-old man, who is sucked into the life of exotic dancing to pay off his addiction to custom furniture building. Set in Florida, the club features glistening men shaking their moneymakers as best they can.

That’s as far as I got into the movie. From that point on, I was blinded by the multiple shots of the naked body of Channing Tatum and his co-stars. I believe that the film is actually a metaphor regarding the U.S. stock exchange and the upcoming political debate following the 2012 congressional Presidential election this November.

The part-time job Mike has, as an entertainer, alludes to the struggles we Americans have in this current state of the U.S. economy.

I have no idea what I am talking about. And why are you still reading this article?

Let me spoil it for you… You get to see Channing Tatum’s ass! His business will be all up in your business so get out there and reserve your copy of Magic Mike today! Remember to get your luscious copy of Magic Mike when it comes out on DVD and Blu-Ray, October 23rd at a local video shop near you!

This week will be the showing of The Amazing Spider-Man, staring actor Andrew Garfield as the Spider-Man. Don’t forget to watch it tonight at the lower level conference center; I expect to see you all there!