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The Spur

Holiday gift advice

Kaleigh Farrelly, Staff Writer

December 8, 2017


Filed under Commentary, Satire

It can be a bit difficult this Holiday season to try and find the perfect gift for a family member, friend or significant other. The Kale is here to help you with this issue, as well as other issues that may come up. For those people who prove difficult to shop for, providing a handmade gift may be...

Pennywise visits campus, leaves tell tale red balloon

Kaleigh Farrelly, Staff Writer

November 3, 2017


Filed under Commentary, Satire

There’s been a lot of hype across the nation about the newest It remake. The movie was met with mixed feelings, so the antagonist of the movie, Pennywise, decided to make his way across the country to talk about it. Typically, a lot of misery follows Pennywise. However, when he came to the SMSU campus...

Toddler to adult center made for new grads

Kaleigh Farrelly, Staff Writer

October 19, 2017


Filed under Commentary, Satire

It is widely believed that when those in college graduate, it means that they have finally evolved into their fledgling adult forms, and are ready to mature to their fully evolved form of a middle-aged adult in the coming years. Recent research shows that this train of thought is all wrong. Kimberly...

SMSU Planning Committee loves last-minute ideas

Kaleigh Farrelly, Staff Writer

September 29, 2017


Filed under Commentary, Satire

Many SMSU students, faculty, staff and alumni have been making plans to attend SMSU’s 50th anniversary celebration and are dreading the end of the festivities. One group of individuals, however, could not be more ecstatic as the end of the celebration draws near: the 50th anniversary planning commi...

The Brussels Sprout is out, and the Kale is in

Kaleigh Farrelly, Staff Writer

September 29, 2017


Filed under Commentary, Satire

Many of you may remember last year’s satirical column, The Brussels Sprout. Cole Miska was the writer of this column, and we at The Spur couldn’t have asked for a better satire writer. But, he needed to take a lesson from Elsa and let it go. Cole was an all-around good guy. He was open, friendly...

Most students raised in education cannot survive the wild

Cole Miska, A&E Editor

April 20, 2017


Filed under Commentary, Satire

A shocking new study reveals that most humans, when taken from the wild at a young age and raised in an indoor, simulated, educational environment, do not stand a chance when released to live on their own in the wild. Bardford Stout, a professor at Façade University in Brussels, was the head resea...

Clones created to relieve RA shortage

Clones created to relieve RA shortage

Grant Kleiman and Fernando Tabares

March 30, 2017


Filed under Satire, Top Stories

On Feb. 24, the Spur reported that there were new resident assistants hired to relieve the shortage of current RAs as soon as possible. Unfortunately, not enough new RAs were hired to fill all of the available positions. In response, the SMSU administration has called upon several biology professors to...

Trump’s credible sources

Caleb Herrlich, Staff Writer

March 30, 2017


Filed under Commentary, Satire

On March 23, The Atlantic published an article worrying about the message that President Trump is sending the U.S. When the president says it, that means it’s true. Well, wait, President Trump doesn’t just say things. He has always followed his comments with a plethora of support. Sometimes, it seems...

SMSU’s nudist dorm update

Kaleigh Farrelly, Staff Writer

March 30, 2017


Filed under Satire, Variety

During March 2016, The Spur ran an article about the new Living and Learning Community (LLC): the nudist dorm in Kamasutra. The response to having a nudist dorm on campus was so great that leaders within SMSU came together and pitched an idea to the Senate of Students: Why not make the entire SMSU ca...

Straight marriage finally legalized

Andrew Bradley, Staff Writer

March 30, 2017


Filed under Commentary, Satire

On April 1, marriage between a man and a woman will become legal nationwide. The people have spoken and Capitol Hill has responded. Many people across the country have expressed their views. One woman said, “I finally feel as if I can be myself and I can marry the man of my dreams.” Another man, ...

Vandal terrorizes student body

Martin Olsen, Staff Writer

March 30, 2017


Filed under Satire

Last Tuesday, a vandal sabotaged a vital part of SMSU’s infrastructure.  This individual or individuals rewired all light switches across the campus to turn on when in the “off” position and to turn off when in the “on” position. It is unknown how many individuals were involved, nor is the am...

Death at Macbeth Production

Death at Macbeth Production

Ben Ryan, Staff Writer

March 30, 2017


Filed under A&E, Satire, Top Stories

Four actors were slain this past weekend during the school’s production of Macbeth. The incident reportedly occurred because the fake plastic swords were “mistakenly” swapped out for real, very sharp swords. Limbs were severed, stomachs were disemboweled, and heads rolled. The play continued as ...

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