The Spur

Brussels Sprout: No Alcohol Found Here!

Cole Miska, A&E Editor

February 11, 2016


Filed under Commentary, Satire

As I walked the halls last Friday before Hawaiian Night, something happened that brought the investigative reporter inside of me to life: I smelled alcohol on someone’s breath! I really was not sure how to process it. Under MnSCU Board Policy 5.18, “the distribution, possession and use of alcohol o...

Brussels Sprout: Spur Editors Find a Thesaurus

Cole Miska, A&E Editor

January 28, 2016


Filed under Commentary, Satire

It implied much like any other day in the Spur office during layout. The Spur’s copyholders were prematurely preparing for the first publication of the school periodical of the new year. Although nobody realized it, some real shenanigans were about to go down when News Editor Kevin Danielson found a thesa...

Connie Gores Goes Dancing

Cole Miska, A&E Editor

December 10, 2015


Filed under Commentary, Satire

Last Monday, Dec. 7, things seemed normal at SMSU’s McFarland Library. The atmosphere was silent, but work was happening in every inch of the library. Students began leaving the library just before midnight, taking advantage of the library’s extended hours during finals. However, as students were exiting and ha...

You Can’t Fit a Whole Rick Astley Song in an Article

Cole Miska, A&E Editor

November 12, 2015


Filed under Commentary, Satire

It seemed like any normal day in the office as the newspaper was being cobbled together. But then News Editor Kevin Danielson turned to me and said something that sent me into a wrath. “You listen to nothing but Rick Astley,” Danielson said.  “It kind of gets old.” I could not believe what I was hearing....

Most of College Student’s Food is Candy, Study Finds

Cole Miska, A&E Editor

October 30, 2015


Filed under Commentary, Satire

A shocking new report from the Minnesota Institute of Nutrition Sciences (MINS) helps illustrate many spending habits of college students. The report states that up to 75 percent of food consumed in November by college students is in fact Halloween candy. “This [report] has a stunning number of inclin...

Coupon Factory Explosion Leads to MASS SAVINGS!

Cole Miska, A&E Editor

October 15, 2015


Filed under Commentary, Satire

A sudden explosion rocked 290th street as a coupon factory burst into flames in northern Marshall Oct. 7. Emergency teams and nearby residents rushed to the scene to investigate the incident and administer aid. But the mood of the scene quickly changed as the onlookers realized what kind of factory h...

Advice Column: Ask Local Politician Berry Crat

Darby Kilkelly, Staff Writer

October 15, 2015


Filed under Commentary, Satire

Dear Mr. Crat: I recently bought a pair of Crocs and have been wearing them every day, but my friends have been teasing me saying they look ridiculous.  I think they look great, but my friends disagree. What should I do? Sincerely, Crocky Dear Crocky: Your political opponents will always try to...

Satire: The Sphur Editors Our Drunk

Cole Miska, A&E Editor

September 28, 2015


Filed under Commentary, Satire

All seemned uzual in Il 216, The Sphur office, on Monjday the 21st when editing began. Buuht, as the stresss of layout nifght toook it’s toll on tyhe ediotirs of The Spur, Ediotr in Chef Nicole Schwijng had no other choicde then to brake out the wine andf sphirts. “withf only having foiur ediotirs...

Satire: Dan is Done – The Sugar Beet Gets Eaten

Cole Miska, Commentary Editor

September 15, 2015


Filed under Commentary, Satire

Some of you may remember last year’s editor-in-chief, Daniel Kilkelly, aka Dan. Dan was a not only a handsome man (who once grabbed my butt), but a kind one as well. He cared greatly for The Spur and dedicated a large amount of his time toward the paper to keep it not only alive, but constantly improving. ...

Giant Man-Eating Plant in SMSU Greenhouse

Giant Man-Eating Plant in SMSU Greenhouse

Daniel Kilkelly, Editor-in-Chief

March 26, 2015


Filed under Satire

Over break, a mysterious plant sprung up in the Greenhouse on campus at SMSU.  When the students and teachers departed for their week-long vacation, they left a sickly little sapling behind, certain that it wouldn’t live through the week.  Imagine their surprise when, upon returning, there was an...

Jim Zarzana: Time-Traveling Martian?

Jim Zarzana: Time-Traveling Martian?

D.C. Crowell, Commentary Editor

March 26, 2015


Filed under Satire

There’s been a lot of buzz about SMSU’s Dr. Jim Zarzana, a soon-to-be retired English Professor, and his book series The Marsco Saga. His books are set in 2092 and follow the chaos amidst a corporation that controls basically everything. The praise that he’s received on the first volume, The Marsco...

9 Sex Tips to Drive Your Partner(s) Up the Wall

Patrick Rowe, Staff Writer

March 26, 2015


Filed under Satire

In a trial to appeal to some new audiences, I am writing some choice sex tips I’ve learned over the years. These are very powerful, and after reading them you will have the sexual magnetism of a bobcat. So like the majestic bobcat and tip number one, we’ll just pounce right on it! Tip #1: Like...

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