The Spur

SMSU Literary Magazine “Perceptions” Plans Companion, “Conceptions”

Daniel Kilkelly, Editor-in-Chief

February 2, 2015


Filed under Satire

Each spring, the English Department puts together a collection of the greatest stories, poems, and art this school has to offer.  Students and community members line up each year to hear select authors perform their pieces at the Perceptions reading (although maybe they were just there for the cake). Aft...

Republican Party to Repeal Women’s Suffrage

Republican Party to Repeal Women’s Suffrage

Daniel Kilkelly, Editor-in-Chief

December 4, 2014


Filed under Satire

In 1920, women’s rights activists changed the political landscape of the nation when the 19th amendment was passed, guaranteeing women the right to vote.  The effects of this are still being felt today, both good and bad.  For one, women have finally been recognized as worthy of holding the same...

Easy on the Sugar! A Sugar Beet Follow-Up

Daniel Kilkelly, Editor-in-Chief

December 4, 2014


Filed under Satire

In the last issue, I wrote a satirical piece that didn’t sit well with some readers. As brilliant and handsome as I am, neither of those things makes me perfect.  The article I wrote was called “Couple Celebrating 50 Year Anniversary is Disgusting.” I have to remember that things don’t always...

Couple Celebrating 50th Anniversity is Disgusting

Couple Celebrating 50th Anniversity is Disgusting

Daniel Kilkelly, Editor-in-Chief

November 13, 2014


Filed under Satire

Murray and Blanche Christianson, two respected members of the community and church, recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, which locals described as “absolutely disgusting.” The couple was featured on the front page of the town’s newspaper, with Murray sweetly planting a kiss on ...

Chupacabra Sighting

Chupacabra Sighting

Daniel Kilkelly, Editor-in-Chief

October 30, 2014


Filed under Satire

The creature of legend in many South and Central American countries has finally reached the frozen north of Marshall, MN.  The Chupacabra, a translation of the Spanish “sucker of goats,” was spotted along the bank of the Redwood River in town. The Chupacabra has terrorized countries like Puerto...

Professor Emily Deaver Recreates “Frankenstein’s Monster” in Experiment

Daniel Kilkelly, Editor-in-Chief

October 30, 2014


Filed under Satire

In a bizarre turn of events for this quaint little college town, Emily Deaver, a professor of Environmental Science here at SMSU, has created artificial life. Using techniques hinted at in Mary Shelley’s famous work “Frankenstein” as well as the writings of famous alchemist Cornelius Agrippa,...

Breakout of Zombie Virus… Also Known as Ebola!

Amber Casperson, News Editor

October 30, 2014


Filed under Satire

Type “definition of Ebola” into the Google search bar. You’ll find the answer to be “an infectious and generally fatal disease marked by fever and severe internal bleeding, spread through contact with infected body fluids by a filovirus, whose normal host species is unknown.” You’ll now know...

Notorious Serial Killer and Cannibal Finally Sees Justice

Notorious Serial Killer and Cannibal Finally Sees Justice

Darby Kilkelly, Staff Writer

October 30, 2014


Filed under Satire

The number 7 was finally convicted today for his crimes against numberkind. The judge ruled him guilty of first-degree murder and cannibalism, and sentenced him to seven consecutive life sentences without the chance for parole. The killer, 7, had committed minor crimes in the past, but he didn’t...

Advice Column – Ask a Centuries-Old Stalker of the Night

Advice Column – Ask a Centuries-Old Stalker of the Night

Daniel Kilkelly, Editor-in-Chief

October 30, 2014


Filed under Satire

  Dear Centuries-Old Stalker of the Night, I’ve liked this girl from afar for months now.  She’s so beautiful.  She works the counter at the local coffee shop, and every time I hand her my stamp card and our fingers touch, I get chills.  How can I work up the nerve to talk to this g...

Sugar Beet: Parents Wrong, Studies Show That Life Really Is Fair

Daniel Kilkelly, Editor-in-Chief

October 16, 2014


Filed under Commentary, Satire

Parenting is arguably one of the hardest jobs on the planet.  Children can be a real handful, spontaneously generating messes and challenging authority as they see fit.  During all this turmoil, the only redeeming thing for the parents is knowing that they are always right.  Right? Wrong! Picture,...

Sugar Beet: Lack of Fine Arts Funding is “What Makes Art Possible”

Daniel Kilkelly, Editor-in-Chief

October 1, 2014


Filed under Commentary, Satire

  High schools and colleges across the nation suffer from a chronic lack of funding for the arts. Music, theatre, drawing and painting, poetry and photography; these subjects generally rest on the edge of tumbling into the abyss of cut funding. However, the brilliant insight of experts in the field ...

Sugar Beet: The Trickle-Down is Finally Here!

Daniel Kilkelly, Editor-in-Chief

September 17, 2014


Filed under Commentary, Satire

It is Ronald Reagan who is most famous for supporting ‘trickle-down’ economics as the brilliant idea that it so clearly has become. This theory—more like an Economic Law, now that you think about it—states that rather than spending government revenue on ineffective programs, we should instead...

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