The Spur

Sugar Beet: Woman Sued by Her Own Cat

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

April 30, 2014


Filed under Commentary, Satire

It is a strange world in modern courtrooms, and it is only getting stranger with time. In a small Texas town, a case is going to court in which a woman, Sandra Panich, is being sued by her own cat, nicknamed “Snuggles,” for negligence and insufficient belly rubs.  The cat seeks a settlement $100,000,...

Sugar Beet: Bigfoot Strikes Back

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

April 18, 2014


Filed under Commentary, Satire

After last week’s article about Bigfoot in the dorms, we’ve had a very unfortunate backlash.  Apparently, our furry friend doesn’t like attention being drawn to him.  Upon reading the April Fools issue of the Spur, which pointed out his presence in the dorms, Bigfoot reportedly went on a rampage. “Apparently...

Send Your Babies into the Future!: New Alternative to Abortion

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

April 5, 2014


Filed under Commentary, Satire

The abortion debate is one of the issues that has truly torn this nation apart politically.  The pro-choice and pro-life campaigns fight tooth and nail for their cause, and there doesn’t seem to be any room to compromise. Until now!  Esteemed researcher and inventor, Doctor Emmett Brown, has revealed...

Bigfoot Spotted in the Dorms

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

April 5, 2014


Filed under Commentary, Satire

For those of you who watch that “Finding Bigfoot” show, your faith in the supernatural has finally paid off.  There have been multiple accounts of sasquatch-like activity in the dorms here at SMSU. Freshman Thomas Knudson found some pretty concrete evidence of the creature in his dorm room. “There...

Sugar Beet: Budget Cuts Cripple the Spur

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

March 21, 2014


Filed under Commentary, Satire

Before spring break, the entire school held its breath as the higher-ups decided the fate of many of its majors.  Reporters from the Spur were not allowed to listen in on the discussions, despite our official looking press passes and exaggerated Brooklyn accents, but we managed to locate a few admittedly...

SugarBeat: Gun Debate Goes Postal

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

February 26, 2014


Filed under Commentary, Satire

A hot topic of the moment in the United States is gun control.  Should sale of firearms be unrestricted by the federal government? Are there too many guns on the street, or too few?  Some people quote the second amendment, the right to bear arms, which is understandably vague, and I’m certain the...

SugarBeat: Still a Better Love Story Than Twilight

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

February 13, 2014


Filed under Commentary, Satire

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, a worldwide poll was conducted in order to determine the greatest love story of all time.  Thousands of potential stories were nominated in a wide variety of different mediums, everything from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet to that Vine where the momma cat snuggles...

SugarBeet: No Hanky-Panky in the Library

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

January 31, 2014


Filed under Commentary, Satire

This is just a friendly reminder to all SMSU students and their guests.  The SMSU McFarland Library is committed to supporting the University’s academic mission, serving the SMSU community through efficient access to quality library services, relevant collections, research guidance, and information...

Sugar Beet: Clean is the New Sexy

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

December 13, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

What’s the hot new trend on the dating scene?  What are women absolutely dying for?  It seems like the reign of the douchebag with his spray tan and incessant stream of “yoloswag” speak is officially at its end, making way for the new big thing: cleanliness. The change occurred seemingly overnight. ...

SugarBeat: Disney Aims to “Outspend” Avatar With New Star Wars

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

November 20, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

After decades of barely keeping the Star Wars franchise alive since Return of the Jedi, with shameful means of life support such as the new trilogy and converting beloved characters into Legos and Angry Birds, fans around the world rejoiced what another trilogy was announced.  Disney has purchased the...

SugarBeet: SMSU Spur Sparks Riots

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

November 8, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

If you go into IL on Wednesday morning around noon, be prepared for some traffic.  With the growing popularity of the Spur, SMSU’s Emmy-nominated newspaper, students have taken to camping outside the wooden newsstand next to the Spur office, waiting for the next batch to be delivered.  It started...

SugarBeet: The DERP Virus, and Other Threats This Halloween

SugarBeet: The DERP Virus, and Other Threats This Halloween

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

October 24, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

We are approaching the most terrifying time of the year, when evil walks the earth.  Halloween night fills us with so much fear that we spend the other 364 days writing books and making movies to scare ourselves, to prepare ourselves for that one eerie night.  Yet no matter how much we speculate, we...

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