The Spur

SugarBeet: Tom Gives Us the “Dislike Button”!

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

October 10, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

In recent weeks, a shocking trend has started. Myspace is well on its way to reclaiming its throne as king of social-networking sites! It’s already passed Google+ by a wide margin (although who’s surprised by that?), and is approaching Facebook fast. This recent surge in users is more about Facebook’s...

SugarBeet: The Only Way NOT to Get Cancer

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

October 10, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

It seems like nowadays, there’s some nasty substance or another in most of the delicious things you love. Fish are genetically engineered, there are pesticides in vegetables, and if the rumors are to be believed, Mountain Dew keeps its drinkers coming back with high sugar content and traces of meth....

The Sugar Beet: Booze Found in Freshman’s Dorm

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

September 13, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

The Mayans were wrong.  The world didn’t end in 2012.  No, it seems like it’s going to end in September 2013 with this shocking revelation.  The younger generation has fallen on hard times… with drinking alcohol. “I’m just baffled,” said Rebecca Scott, RA of the Fine Arts dorm. “I...

Sugar Beet: Michele Bachmann Action Figure

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

May 2, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

It’s a great day for Republicans everywhere.  In an effort to boost morale among younger conservative voters, a successful effort I might add, the Republican Party has authorized a new line of action figures.  Many popular politicians will be represented.  But the good news for us Minnesotans is...

Sugar Beet: Snow Days Cause SMSU Obesity to Skyrocket

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

April 21, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

When students looked out the window last week to see a thick coat of snow over everything in sight, some groaned.  Others cheered.  April had pretty much given us the finger and dumped an apocalyptic blizzard on us.  Many of the week’s classes were cancelled, giving some a five day weekend trapped...

Sugar Beet: Obama is Satan

Dan Kilkelly and Katarina Holman

April 4, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

Breaking news.  Obama is actually Satan.  No, we’re serious.  We have proof!  Remember History Channel’s ‘The Bible’?  The guy who plays the devil looks suspiciously like Obama.  Or… he looks like the real Satan because Obama is the real Satan! Bear with us.  We’ve got more evidence. ...

Sugar Beet: New Symbol for Republican Party: Ronald Reagan’s Face

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

April 4, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

After the 2012 elections, it became obvious that for the Republican Party to survive, they would have to make some big changes.  A committee of major figures in the party got together last week to brainstorm some solutions to patch up the sinking ship (Mitt Romney was not invited). Paul Ryan suggested...

Sugar Beet: How to Steal a Girlfriend

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

March 28, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

The first thing you need to do is to choose a girl.  A girl who’s taken.  A girl who’s so gorgeous and wonderful that you simply can’t stand to see her with the guy who doesn’t deserve her.  Oh, right, that’s another necessity.  He has to be bad for her.  A true douchebag.  Maybe he doesn’t...

Sugar Beet: Drinking at an All-Time Low at SMSU

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

February 28, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

It may have taken quite some time, but the students here at Southwest Minnesota State University have finally gotten their act together. Studies show that underage drinking on campus has plummeted, while those of age are imbibing their alcohol exclusively at bars. In the past few weeks, Public Safety...

Sugar Beet: Strippergrams

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

February 11, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

Valentine’s Day is coming up, ladies!  That passionate, heated time of year when love is in the air, and strippers are just one phone call away.  Yes, you read correctly.  What better way to surprise your man than with the naked body of another woman? This opportunity is being provided by SMSU’s...

Sugar Beet: Mickey Mouse for President

Dan Kilkelly, Commentary Editor

January 30, 2013


Filed under Commentary, Satire

After years of being jokingly included as a write-in candidate, Disney’s most famous character has decided to run for president.  Mr. Mouse announced this last week at Disney world, in front a crowd of cheering fans.  After that, Mickey Mouse hat sales went through the roof, and seem to have become...

Sugar Beet: Step Up to the Pearly Gates, Tatum

Dan Kilkelly, Staff Writer

December 12, 2012


Filed under Commentary, Satire

Channing Matthew Tatum, dancer, actor, former stripper, People’s official “Sexiest Man Alive”, was found dead in his house last Thursday. Tatum was loved by his fans, mainly hordes of women.  He started his career as a model, and from there he moved on to television commercials, music videos,...

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