Mr. Easter Bunny Caught “Green-Handed”: Found in Cahoots with Drug Dealers Across the Nation

Kim Watkins, Editor-In-Chief

Much to the triumph of police, worried parents, and people claiming that it was real all along, the ever-famous Easter Bunny has found itself behind the bars of the nation’s foremost veterinary prison after being caught with its paws in the proverbial “cookie jar” i.e. pot brownie jar.

Mr. Easter Bunny was caught literally green-handed as he filled what would be his 10,032nd and final egg with marijuana, a still-illegal substance in many states across the nation.

The Easter Bunny, who many have suspected of working with multiple drug dealers in recent months, shared his intentions on the subject – “Candy has become overrated. Kids aren’t what they used to be what with their newfound interest in skinny, computerized books and celebrity gossip on that Tweeter network (Twitter). Used to be kids were satisfied with an egg full of jellybeans and Hershey’s kisses. Not anymore. I thought I’d change it up this year. Considering Easter landed on 4/20, I thought it would be an appropriate change-up.”

Many adults have remained skeptical of the elusive bunny given his or her (gender still remains unknown) track record of leaving candy for children in various-sized eggs. As if an unknown stranger giving free candy to children wasn’t sketchy enough, the recent report of this bunny’s scheduled meetings with a large number of various drug leaders had many parents on high alert.

Mellie Stamos, a concerned parent and vice-president for PAFC (Parents Against Fictional Characters), states that “this has really gotten out of hand. The candy was one thing, but pot…Really?”

Though police only found eggs full of the illegal substance at the Easter Bunny’s grove-side hideout, plans and blueprints were strewn throughout the bunny’s home.

“Apparently there were plans to replace the fake grass in Easter baskets with…well, you can just about guess,” said deputy sheriff, Wayne Kilatzki, “There were also what would seem to me as blueprint plans for striking various towns with the substance for their annual Easter Egg hunts. We had to put a stop to it.”

Despite concerned outrage, many others found only anger in being discluded.

One college student shared that this “is an absolute outrage. I mean, where was the pot when I was a kid…wait, I mean…well, the bunny should have really just stuck with the candy…I guess.”

Mr. Easter Bunny’s bail is set at 50,000 Easter eggs…and no, not ones filled with pot.