Toddler to adult center made for new grads

It is widely believed that when those in college graduate, it means that they have finally evolved into their fledgling adult forms, and are ready to mature to their fully evolved form of a middle-aged adult in the coming years.

Recent research shows that this train of thought is all wrong.

Kimberly Smith is a recent SMSU graduate. She arrived to the interview wearing a stained shirt and pants as well as mussed hair.

“I thought that I was so ready for life after graduation. I really did.” Smith said. “I liked so many different foods. Spinach, brussels sprouts, fish. Now I really just eat chicken tenders and macaroni and cheese.”

Another source who agreed to speak on this topic wished to remain anonymous.

“It’s like the past four years of higher learning never happened. I’ve actually regressed into more of a pre-teen state.

I’ve found myself buying a lot of Axe body spray lately and have been drawing a lot of inappropriate pictures on a variety of things,” they said.

Smith stated, “I used to wear earrings and makeup sometimes, but now I think, ‘No, that’s for grown-ups’.

I used to drink wine, but instead I’ve been drinking grape and apple juice. Like, who would normally pass up wine?”

Obviously, this is concerning. Many people will be graduating from SMSU this year, and we cannot have more adult toddlers in this world.

It’s basic economics – the more of a product there is, the less demand there is for that product.

Therefore, I propose T.A.C. – Toddler to Adult Center.

It would be a center much like the Day Care center on SMSU’s campus, only it would be for those who have graduated and reverted back to a younger state of being.

While enrolled at this center, the graduated toddlers would relearn how to do adult things.

These things could be eating vegetables – like broccoli and spinach – as well as paying bills and knowing how much perfume or cologne to put on.

Pulling her thumb out of her mouth, Smith said, “Will there be snacks there? I only like cheese crackers and fruit snacks. I think I’d like it there; is it nap time yet?”